Alton on the far left
I am horrible at dealing with loss, not because I get so overwhelmed with it that it overcomes me but because I have no idea how to talk about it once it happens. This is a trait I know that has been passed down to me by my mother which was clearly shown this past weekend.
A Little Background
Two weeks ago, my mother’s husband passed away. He was an older man who has taken care of my mother before and after she got out of prison. The relationship is something that most would not understand but in my 21 years of life I’ve gotten use to their nontraditional lifestyle.
My mother met Alton while she was caught up in a drug obsessed lifestyle. She rented a trailer on his property for a few years before she meet a man that deserted her when she went to prison for a few years. Once she got back, Alton was there to take care of her emotionally and financially like she took care of physically as he was grew in age.
Throw in the fact that my mother is a lesbian and the story gets even crazier but their love was something that can not be placed in the category of what most would classify as marriage.
My relationship with him is hard to define also but I was grateful for his presence in my life. He always had a kind word to say to me and frequently said how proud he was of me. His children were dirt bags that tried to take money from him to sustain their various habits, none of which involved taking care or getting to know their father so I tried the best that I could to be a some sort of son to the man.
He had lost his wife to cancer before my mom went into prison. He was going down-hill this tear after mother’s day because it would have been their 50th wedding anniversary. He loved her deeply. My mother told me a story this weekend that he went over 10 years with out any kind of sex with his wife and stayed faithful; a true sign of a man with a deep love for his wife while she was going through this trying time.
Back to the future
It was during the conversation over a Spicy Italian footlong that my mother and I had our closest thing to a deep conversation we have ever had.
Since loosing Alton, my mother has been cleaning and doing as many other things as she could nonstop, clearly trying to not think about the loss she is dealing with. I’ve called to check on her more than I have in a year but it’s mainly been talking about the details of the arrangements for his estate and other things.
It was while we were having the conversation over the sandwiches back at their home about his life that I realized death brings about things that we all need to dig deep for and find out about the ones we love. Doing this helps us appreciate their impact on our lives more and look back with fewer regrets.
I may have many regrets now that I didn’t know more about such a good man but I do know now my apprechation for all that he has done will go on til the day I die.
Posted by codywb 
